Thursday, January 3, 2008

does iowa mean anything?

no. tom harkin won iowa. tell me where he is today. 

but the one thing that the true front-runners could take from this is the line mike hukabee said in his acceptance speech. that the voters have looked to look up and not the left right. both clinton and giuliani could borrow that line as this campaign goes forward. 

otherwise, iowa's caucuses are nothing.

Monday, December 31, 2007

second thoughts on the nfl's second thought

looking back to what i mused about the future of the nfl network and how it could control all aspects of production and license out the content, i have some elaboration to add and some slight backtracking that could make the idea more fungible.

first, it needs to be said that if this game hadn't become historic, the nfl needed a reason to make it so. one of the advertising themes you couldn't miss no matter how many times you left to whiz or grab another microbrew (take that national advertising!) during the commercial breaks was the networks self-promotion and gentle insistence that we viewers lay siege to those greedy, monopolistic cable companies and let them know how badly we wish for the nfl network as part of basic cable god-given rights. these ads have been running during the broadcast networks' packages too, but this was a seven-man blitz taking advantage of the three-network simulcast. time will tell whether this blitz sacked the cable companies or left a receiver wide-open for the touchdown, but to be sure, the network did everything it could to exploit this swollen and mostly captive audience.

now, it need to be restated that this game was scheduled for the nfl network before the season began, so despite the odious avarice of the nfl in trying to leverage itself onto the cable companies, this was simple avail, not machination. but this was a case of the nfl, smartly, making the most of a fortuitous and felicitous circumstance. we may well look back on this felicity as the moment when the business model for the network changed. 

this may reshape how the nfl packages its product. that is the primary point, selling the product. this is well understood by the league. has been since pete rosell. they marketed the product, the games and its players, to ever greater heights of revenues for the league from its television licensing. then, a cadre of owners, spearheaded by that most ambitious of owners, jerry jones, thought of how to wring further monies out of the product by creating its own cable entity. the yankees' YES network will always be known as the stalking horse for this model: capitalise on high-demand product by taking its broadcasts in-house and keeping all that revenue it had been sharing for itself. and there can be no doubt of its success as the network is now more valuable than the yankees itself. the product is more valuable than the producers.

while the nfl has long envisioned doing the same for itself and its network, the owners have as yet been unable, through heavy-handedness and hubris, to get the cable companies to play along in their master plan. quite rightly, the cable powers have held the owners at bay by playing the same hand they had with the yankees and their network. they say this is a specialty network that their average customer doesn't want or need and so it can either stand alone or as part of a tier package that subscribers can opt into (increasing the cable companies' revenues and massaging their egos as gatekeepers for what gets on the air). the yankees advatange that the nfl doesn't have right now is that once the YES network was on the air, there was almost nowhere else to see yankees games. so the cable companies, knowing there was, in fact, demand for the network, capitulated, and the YES network has been part of basic cable for the last 5 years. unfortunately for the nfl, there are literally a baker's dozen of games broadcast elsewhere than their network every week of the regular season, so they can't pull the power play that the yankees did.

which brings me to what i think could be the new model of syndication and licensing for this pubescent network. taking from the example of this saturday's broadcast, the league could bring all the production of their games in-house and license the broadcasts to both national networks, and local stations. one of the major problems fans have with the league now is they don't always get their local or regional team's games on their local channels or at all. the syndication package, "nfl league pass" on directv, was the initial effort to combat this, offering every game every week to directv subscribers. but...well...see the problem with direct tv is that not every fan can get it. fans in urban settings don't always have the option because of obstructed paths to the satellites. and there are other complications like dislodged discs that can't recevie the signal. so, millions of fans are still watching out of town games while their favorite teams play in obscurity. 

but imagine a nfl network that, just like the YES network, provides a complete broadcast from play-by-play to sideline reporters to the trucks, and the sells those broadcasts to the big three and their local affiliates while selling or splitting the ad revenue. the big networks could get one or two major games per week, that could be decided in exactly the way the sunday night games on nbc are now: the most compelling games with the greatest interest. they get the large national audience they want and they don't have to shoulder the expense of producing the broadcasts. and depending on the deal each network negotiates they might have to split the ads with the nfl, but losing the cost of production might well make it worthwhile since the broadcast fees they pay now measured against the cost of putting the games on-air make the broadcasts a losing deal in the end. the local affiliates could ensure that they would always get their teams' games every week and split the revenues with the nfl, but imagine what they could generate in terms of local and regional advertising dollars if they could send their sales force out with a guaranteed nfl audience every week. and of course, the league itself benefits not only from the increased dollars per the YES network model, but from increased control of their product. if they produce every broadcast, they control all the content and the entire image of nfl. tell me they don't want that.

the only losers? directv. but honestly, they're going to get cut out eventually anyway. why have an nfl network if you're going to continue to make directv the exclusive partner for all broadcasts? doesn't make sense.

so, there we have it. a new model of the nfl network that makes fans happy, makes the broadcast networks happy, and makes the owners happy. seems like a mighty tempting revisioning (corporate-speak) for the still meaningless nfl network that could make it into one of, if not the, most important and largest cable entities ever.

of course it was the boss in jersey

correction...the giants tight end was boss, not moss...my lack of familiarity with the hometown roster is showing.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

9.50 to destiny!!

ok, this should end it.

brady gets a first, but on the next play, he gets sacked.

welker is the (don't hate jets fans) the wayne chrebet of this team.

then faulk shakes another tackle to get a 1st.

maroney shaves into the 20, with his shirt hanging out!

but then strahan drops him for a 4yd loss.

welker catches, then dives to the ground inside the 5...perfect season, yeah...

moss takes an attempted TD off a blitz, but doesn't get there.

and maroney runs it in. that's all folks. 

38-28 with 4.36 left...game over. goodnight. analysis tomorrow.

well mr manning, what do you have for me?

10 mins left...to destiny!

jacobs guts out a first down...but toomer gets charged with a hold...called back

pats call a TO?? with just under 10 mins? with a 3 pt lead? ok...making sure the d is set i suppose...

ooooo...1st interception by the pats...ouch...

driving toward history?

1st down...incomplete to welker...

moss drops a WIDE OPEN pass when the corner fell down....if the loss follows...that's the play...

but brady just goes back to him for the touchdown...and records are broken...oof...

and they're going for two...maroney dives across...

31-28 pats...history.

12+ minutes to destiny!!!

eli loses the snap and falls on it...no es bueno...

manning's throw is tipped...3rd and 11...

and eli calls a ca-whick TO...looked like the blitz was not, that's right, not coming, and i think that was what he was depending on. 

bad, bad, BAD call...screen that was well covered...punt to follow

pats take over at their 34.

is this the drive that secures the game...

if the gints get a stop...maybe...if the pats score..definitely...

and it goes high to moss!!

gints take over...so this game is tot.all.y. in play. so happy to say that both teams are playing like it's the last game of the season.

15 minutes to destiny!!!

......

pats start with the ball on their 24. 

BIG, BIG loss on the draw to maroney. yeah, those draw plays haven't worked...

faulk takes the dump (heh heh heh) and gets the 1st.

brady almost gets it picked off but incomplete.

2nd n 10...

watson takes a screen and gains....nada. maybe loses 1.

lots of gints movement on the line and brady can't get the audible in quickly enough...TO pats...

is this the turning point...

30 seconds left in the quarter.

6 yds on short pass to faulk. quarter expires. as bryant said, "one quarter to a perfect season".

and i can't see the trends in this game stopping that.

more drama

hickson takes the kickoff past the 40...another pressure packed drive for team that has already made the playoffs...but if the gints win...hmmm...does it make them SB contenders? better than the 'boys and packers? hmmmm.....

delayed blitz...dropped by jacobs...

toomer gets maybe 6....3rd n 4?...

don't go 3 and out gints...

got it!! toomer picks up 10...excellent...

jacobs knifes for 2. now this is genuine football game.

major blitz....devastates manning...big, big loss..

3rd n 22...

safety blitz, complete to jacobs, but well short of the first...

punt. pats start on the 18.

is this playing to belichik's hands?

the whole "60 minutes of football!" thing...forced to rely on brady to pass...this still shapes up as more of a pats game than a gints game...but it's damned good regardless!!

pats start on the 27...

wilkinson drops faulk for a 3 yd loss on 1st down...

faulk gains...4? on short pass...curious call...

and brady takes the hit but gets the 1st....this hitting brady thing doesn't always work.


welker is WIDE open because of the blitz. 28 for the 1st

and again brady sucks it up, collapses, but hits welker for 5.

welker...um BIGGEST pickup...takes 3 yard pass, but takes another 4 out og the d.

draw to maroney nets 1, maybe 2, on 1st down.

brady ducks the sack...but wilkinson gets called for face gurading and pushing...

1st and goal...

vrabel misses the pass!! and the natural order of the universe is disrupted. vrabel in as a receiver=touchdown....but didn't line up correctly..hahahahah...justice.

but a bad call on replay.

maroney, nearly untouched, walks into the endzone.

28-23 gints. still pats game to lose. i can't see it otherwise.

with no honest running game from either side, it's a QB battle. brady vs manning (eli!)...who you taking?

ok...holy shit...that is all

how interesting does this get now?

gints force a punt. get the ball in decent position. can manning orchestrate another killer drive....

jacobs gets 4. 

and he breaks loose for 16! great blocking.

toomer gets a check down for 5.

jacobs again gets outside to earn a first!

manning drops off to jacobs for 2. but i agree with gumbel and collinsworth, eli looks comfortable.

drones...nothing doing on that up-the-middle run. loses 3.

TD to plax!!! that's gonna get reviewed. ok it's not the last 2 minutes...my bad.

28-16 gints...if a team's going for perfection, this is the test you want to see.

30 minutes to destiny!!!!

how many times has that been used as a halftime speech?

ok, pats take the kickoff...touchback as faulk takes it in the endzone.

maybe two yards as watson gets a short dump.

and maroney returns to 1st quarter as he gets no gain.

brady, some.how. gets the pass off but it hits thenturf. three and out. whoa.

half no1

ok, though the gints have the lead, i think this is till tipping toward the pats. no running game for the boys in blue, pats are moving despite the d-line play for the gints. i will be STUNNED of the pats don't end undefeated.

2 minutes to run the clock to zeros

which is what coughlin will do...unless...he tries to take the fight to belichik again!!

which he won't. not his style. still pats game to lose.

eli has nowhere to go. grounded. 2nd down.

!!!!!!!!! manning evades the rush and gets the 1st to moss. but the center is down...ouch...

could the decision to keep the starters in be hurting the playoff effort for the gints. commercial time...but coughlin will hear it if o'hara's out.

toomer holds on!! 1st down past the 50. gints going for it.

and jacobs gets 15!!

moss gets 8. hmmm...credit to tom for keeping it going. he really is old school.

manning scrambles for a 1st!!! after the delay for enforced penalty....wow.

he wants to win. big ups.

td attempt to buress goes wanting

2nd goal and the pats call TO.

ps love bryant gumbel standing while talking to the seated, 6'5" chris collinsworth.

TD to moss!!!!!!!!!!!!

no question, coughlin and the gints want to win this one, playoffs be damned. 

21-16 gints heading toward halftime.

pats not standing pat

well, i asked if anyone would establish the run. maroney gets 11.

short slant to moss for 8. off a telegraphed gints blitz.

maroney gets another fist with 4 yard push.

now belichik is rubbing it in coughlin's face. more runs. 

2nd n 6. welker gets another...maybe barely bereft the first.

3 rd down. evans drills forward for the 1st.

midfield. playfake, check-down to watson. out-of-bounds to watson. 1st.

brady burns a TO with 3.31 left. i'm guessing he saw something in that blitz package he wasn't ready for. no biggie.

maroney gets 4 more...yup, beleichik is willing to grind this down.

stallworth...quick drop. nothing.

3rd and 4.

brady with a weak throw to moss. higher and it doesn't hit the linebacker in the back of the head.

16-14 pats after the field goal.

did someone say 20-14?

this is what imagine brady saying in the  huddle. time for moss and brady to break the ties for their records.

10m to go

bryant gumbel says this is not going for the pats. DUMBASS.

ok, moss replaces shockey and gets 20  off the play action.

and again, jacobs gets nothing. bad, bad, bad for the gints.

he gets 3, quite an accomplishment at this point.

harrison tips the pass to moss, giants to punt.

it bounces to the endzone. touchback.

still 14-13 gints.

this game's i going the pats' way

giants can't run, pats are moving the ball well with the short passing game. this is belichik's game to lose.

go for it!!

maroney busts a 13 yard run. hmmm...

the faulk gets 9. belichik is adjusting.

a draw to maroney yields 5. yes, belichik is now toying with coughlin.

again, welker pulls a first down from a five yeard gain.

this time, the d-line plugs it, maroney loses 2.

no 1st for welker as he takes a screen, but ross, the corner, prevents him from getting anything.

3rd and long....faulk catches a yard-eater to set up the field goal.

46 yard success makes it 14-13 gints.

did hester get signed in the last ten minutes?

ok, that was, um...unexpected...so the gints out their defense back out there with a lead. can't think they'd want it any other way.

and ps. both teams are going for the win here. playoffs? we're atlking about playoffs? this is the most important game in the world right now.

penal-penal-penal-TEEEE

yeah, that penalty, while not as devastating as the timeout by the ravens, obviously allowed that touchdown.

and while i'm typing, hickson takes the return to the house!!! and the gints take the lead 14-10.

holy shit.

reservations for 6?

ok, let's see if brady's ladies punch it in. second and goal to start quarter 2.

brady to moss in double coverage. TD! perhaps a push off, but not too blatant i guess. on the replay, no push off, just good play from moss using the corner's momentum against him.

10-7 pats.

"you want me to go 50?? hahahahahaha"

i'm anticipating a quick td from brady to moss here. this will not be a sustained drive. this will be a belichik-"fuck you"-score. "we gave you a chance to run it, now suffer..."

but good pressure by the gints...brady has to dump it out of bounds. interesting.

2nd down. draw to maroney loses 5. veeeery interesting.

SACK!!! on 3rd down. but a flag....from the side judge...illegal contact...automatic 1st...oof....

and first down completion to stallworth. not a killing stroke yet.

welker takes another short pass and earns the first. 

another attempted draw but the gints d-line and line backers stuffed it. no gain.

another first down...now that penalty is hurting. faulk earns the first with the YAC. moss i down on the field....he's gonna be ok. though he does look a little taxed as he comes off.

1st down, inside the 10. 

maroney gets a 3 yard run for the first time. end of quarter one. giants about to lose the lead, 7-3.

manning looking to wet willie the pats

archie, peyton, eli...are there 3 less nfl-ish names?

again jacobs goes nowhere. and if he doesn't, belichik goes 16-0.

and jacobs loses 3 on 2nd down. the pats are reading this easily. if eli ever gets to audible, this could be interesting.

3rd down...

toomer drops a pass...in his hands...should have had the 1st...punting!

welker gets it to the 50 after a short run. clearly the giants can't establish the run....yet...

this is no presidential campaign

because nobody's running. thus far, the passing offenses have done all the damage and the runs have gone nowhere. but the giants are getting better pressure (slightly) on brady. we'll see who is able to control to field with running if at all. this could be an over of 60+ if not.

giants take it on their 22.

so mr brady, what have you to offer me?

showing the pats d on tv...they look slightly confused, but they've been there. no real sweat. but unlike what we would expect, the pats were on top of the running plays, but were open to be passed on. clearly they expected coughlin to establish the run on that opening drive, but ol tom had different ideas...

brady et al take the field. moss immediately gets a 1st with a nice falling catch.

and welker takes a short flank and tacks on 6 yards for a 1st.

maroney...left with the bones...no gain, maybe a yard.

brady recognises the blitz, calls a screen, but makes a low throw. 3rd and 10.

faulk takes a dump-off. belichik goes for it.

4th down...

easy-breezy pass to moss...1st down. but the gints are getting through.

maroney still looking to get more than a yard. stuffed.

another 1st for welker. biggest, BIGGEST acquisition of any team this year. and again, as gregg easterbrook has noted, brady passes straight ahead. no problems.

maroney nothing.

brady, shotgun, no backfield, nothing.

3rd...brady throws it out of the end zone past moss, field goal to follow.

7-3, gints.

red=stopping the drive?

challenge fails. incomplete pass and lost timeout. 

2nd n 10. run is stuffed. the pats know their film. 

3rd down, buress looks like he got the 1st...good spot...and 1st and goal it is.

so the giants are trying to take it right to the pats. but the pats are not getting fooled on the run. again, they know the plays and know where it's going.

touchdown giants on a check-down pass to jacobs!!! and a great second effort by jacobs. manning was looking to gain 3 to 4. jacobs earned that score, fighting off 3 pats and poking it past the plane of the goalline.

7-0, gints. red did NOT stop the drive.

kickoff!!

gints start at their 25. nothing remarkable there.

giants should want to run, and they do on the first play. the pats have wilted against running teams.

shut my mouth!! manning to burress on a stallworth-esque catch!! inside the 20!

coughlin challenges the incomplete pass on the sideline by steve smith. curious choice so early. but it signals that coughlin wants to take the fight to the pats and belichik, probably trying to catch them off-balance. though...the challenge might dissipate the momentum they got from plax's grab...we'll see...

ok, about that liveblogging thing

well, i may as well try it, at least once. and why not do it with a game of truly historic significance, like the gints/pats tilt. my first thought before kickoff is what this means for the nfl network. the nfl took this off schedule and reserved it for its own nascent broadcast entity. then it became historic. many teeth have been knashed and garments rent in decrying the greed of the nfl in pulling games off broadcast tv and placing them on the network, but no one could have forseen how this would play out. that the importance of the game and the potential viewer demand would cause them to negotiate national simulcasts on not one but two of the broadcast networks (cbs and nbc). does this portend a new sort licensing arrangement for the league. something along the lines of the wwf that owns the broadcasts and arranges it from top to bottom, allowing networks to show it. for example, could the network continue to give the big boys feature games, but keep local games for let's say an abc or nbc affiliate that could sell A LOT of advertising against a non-regional game for local fans? just a thought. need to cut to kickoff, but will return to this idea later...

Sunday, December 16, 2007

hmmmm

further complicating mcnamee's testimony is this submission to the boston globe from pitcher cj nitkowski (didn't he pitch in the yankees system at some point...yes...in 2004). nitkowski defends mcnamee and farily credibly, i would add. but it begs the question, if nitkowski approached mcnamee about steroids, as he claims, why didn't mcnamee sell him out to mitchell like he did clemens, petitte, and knoblach? or....did he and mitchell left it out??? either way, something's rotten in the country of denmark...

so of course things have to get more confusing

needless to say, once i finish the previous post, here's something to muddy the waters.

i won't go all the way to say that this salvo one in clemens' campaign to salvage his legend, but this absolutely sounds like a clemens consigliari coming out swinging for the rocket. i will note that just because someone is an alcoholic and has demons doesn't make that person a liar. of more interest is baichu's first person testimony saying he never saw any of the physical symptoms of steroids.

my remaining question is was clemens contacted by mitchell's people to respond to mcnamee's allegations? if no, why not? if yes, why didn't clemens submit baichu at that time?

boston's ultimate revenge on roger clemens

to meet the demand that no one has for me to comment on the mitchell report, here is post number one:

mitchell, as part of the boston red sox ownership group, has suffered some rightful criticism that his objectivity is compromised and many anticipated a dearth of information related to the sox and their current and former players. considering that most of the report's salacious details came from two trainers that worked with the yankees and mets, you can't be too dismissive of mitchell's output. after all, the players association told its members not to cooperate and mitchell had no way to compel testimony of any kind. so, if there's very little in the report that implicates the red sox (aside from the communication from theo epstein speculating about eric gagne's steroid status), mitchell can't be held totally responsible.

but i'll tell you what, fans of the red sox should be openly celebrating this report and lionising the former senator. not because he was able to steer the report away from their team, but because with it, mitchell has managed to scalp the two most hated entities of red sox nation: the yankees and roger clemens. 22 current and former yankees are named in the report, in particular, many players from the 2000 championship team. granted, none of them are derek jeter or mariano rivera or bernie williams, but i would think it has to feel good that the hated yankees come out of this investigation with the stink of steroids all over them.

while that must be tremendously satisfying, the real payoff for the nation has to be the permanent tainting of roger clemens and all the things he accomplished after being shipped out of boston. at the time he was traded to toronto, red sox gm, dan duquette, openly questioned how much clemens had left as a pitcher. he had nearly reached his mid-30s, hadn't been the same pitcher for years, and even if he could prove himself to be an effective major league hurler, no one expected what clemens produced in the ten years that followed. four more cy young awards, two world series wins (four appearances overall) and a run past 300 wins to become the winningest pitcher in the history of the modern game. duquette has been chided at best and ridiculed at worst for questioning clemens' greatness. comes now the mitchell report detailing the testimony of former clemens' personal trainer brian mcnamee of how roger started using steroids in 1998, and everything clemens did after being traded by the sox looks highly suspect.

add on the fact that in the days since the report was released, andy petitte has confirmed mcnamee's claims about his use of human growth hormone, and clemens is thisclose to becoming the white barry bonds. petitte's admission completely undercuts the statement that clemens' attorney dispatched in response to mcnamee's allegations. that statement not only denied those allegations, it said they were made by financially troubled man with an axe to grind. well, if that's true, why did mcnamee also provide apparently true information about petitte while lying about clemens, and in such detail?

to be sure, clemens' days as a major leaguer, as we suspect with bonds now that he is under indictment for perjury, are over. all of his greatest achievements, his once-cemented legacy as the greatest right-handed pitcher of all time, his championships, his total legend are now lost and unlikely to be repossessed. his inclusion in the hall of fame is far from assured. if he's lucky, clemens will be able to go on with his life in quiet retirement, but that isn't roger's style. most likely, he'll fight this out somehow (suing mlb perhaps?), but as this situation is currently arranged, he will never be regarded the same way.

roger clemens just surrendered the biggest home run of his career. george mitchell got tipped off on what pitch to sit on and he just knocked clemens' career over the green monster in fenway. red sox nation erupts. the finally drove the rocket oout of the game.

Friday, December 7, 2007

is lost innocence really costing us anything?

among other pasttimes, i enjoy baseball. not just the games, but the entire business of the sport. the contracts, the marketing, the off-season trades and free agent signings. all of it. it's a living breathing soap opera.

one of that novella's current narratives is performance enhancing drugs in all their supposedly nefarious forms: steroids, human growth hormone, ampetamines, etc. i discovered this article from the baltimore sun's rick maese logging the lies by oriole jay gibbons over the last few years prior to admitting to using hgh after the paper trail wrapped him tightly to his unacknowledged truth. the piece's final point about lost innocence is one that has nearly all sportwriters and fans have used to this loss to besmirch the game and bemoan the state of modern sporting contests. after all, they would say, how can we watch these games now with the same sense of awe and wonder knowing what we know? knowing that the performances are not based on talent and hard work, but on manipulation and purchased enhancements. knowing that the feats we once marveled at were obtained by prescription, not perspiration.

i get the part of that lament that decries the displaced awe that we once trained on our sporting heroes. but as a general rule, i believe the loss of innocence is not only a natural part of the cycle of life, but a very healthy part of it that we need in order to live. i don't believe lost innocence is to be mourned like a deceased loved one. rather it should be bid good riddance like acne because it is a relic of our smaller-minded selves; younger incarnations who believed blindly in things and rarely questioned why.

perpetual innocence about the world is prohibitive and deleterious. it denies us adulthood, maturity, self-assurance. it constricts us within a supposed utopia of supermen (and womyn!!) who should inspire us to reach for ever greater heights by showing us what is possible. innocence is the blanket we drape over ourselves after our parents tuck us in so we can avail ourselves to worlds of fantasy through comic books and young adult romance novels. worlds where good guys always win and love is always true.

well, that's fantastic, literally, but i'll take reality thanks. i prefer to know what's real and what isn't. i like the self-confidence i earn when i conquer misunderstanding and mythology. what in the world do i gain by being innocent? nothing. by being rational, i maintain a greater control over my own life and can better manage the inevitable losses and pain that living in the real world will bring. innocence, at best, is the temporary shield from hurt that a child is bestowed by his/her parents. but that shield never lasts, and its protection is fleeting. because good guys don't always win and love isn't always true.

so i say, "piss off" to innocence and walk calmly and assuredly through life knowing the truth adn knowing it empowers me. knowing that innocence is ephemeral, but truth is everlasting. knowing that my lost innoncence is really gained wisdom.

i too blame beck...for my bedwetting

feelin' low? bummed out because of SAD or is it just the crush of the holidays? i'm draggin too, man. why? well, i know this is gonna sound crazy, but...i had this really badass multimedia, metacultural project that was gonna change my life, the world, etc. everything was coming together, man. people were buzzin, i had studios blowin up my cellie, i even had beck (yeah, man, that beck!! the oddball rocker!!) set to do some rapping about scientology and xenu. then, like all of a sudden, he backs out. and i'm just suicidal about it.

i know, man, maybe i'm just takin it too hard. i'm totally not the depressive type either. but this was beck, man, frickin beck! i'm a loser too now!! so why don't you kill me...